Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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