You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
