I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
