she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
