i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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