He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
