My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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