A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
