ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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