I cannot find my penis.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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