We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
