remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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