Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
