my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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