I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
