No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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