Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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