felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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