Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He kissed a someone with a penis
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
