you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize