one two three fourrrrnication!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
