Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
