I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
