Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
