She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
