i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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