don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
