I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
