I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
