im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
