$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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