I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
