I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
