Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
