even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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