I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
