Heybabeimwearingurpanties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
