i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
