I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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