GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
