so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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