all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
