the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
