do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
