So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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