Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FUCK WHALES
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