How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
