Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
