you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
