I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So squirting runs in the family.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
