I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
