I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
