Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
