I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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