Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
