apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
