omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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