I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
