just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
