the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
