May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize