Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
