why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
