I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
