Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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